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Kids explain bible
Religious jokes
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The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie. bad spelling has been left in):
`In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.`
`Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.`
`Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.`
`Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.`
`Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.`
`The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.`
`Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.`
`Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.`
`Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.`
`The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.`
`The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.`
`The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.`
`Moses died before he ever reached Canada.`
`Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.`
`The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.`
`David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.`
`Solomon, one of David`s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.`
`When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.`
`When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.`
?Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.`
`St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.`
?Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.`
`He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."`
`It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.`
`The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.`
`The epistles were the wives of the apostles.`
`One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.`
`St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.`
`A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.`
Bless their little hearts!
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