Valentines, redneck style
Redneck jokes
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Kudzu is green, my dog`s name is Blue
And I`m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue`s and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain`t got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
You`re as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin` in the pan.
Yo`re as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we`re in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I`m in hawg heaven, I`m plumb outta my wits.
And speakin` of wits, you`ve got plenty fer shore.
`Cuz you married me back in `74.
Still them fellers at work they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo`re there fer yore man,
To patch up life`s troubles and stick `em in the can.
Yo`re as strong as a four-wheeler racin` through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.
Yo`re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin` overhead.
You ain`t mean like no far ant upon which I oft` tread.
Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain`t nuttin` I lack.
Yore complexion, it`s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin`.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin`.
And when you get old like a `57 Chevy,
Won`t put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.
Me `n` you`s like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine`s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It`s romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger. "That`s impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these will not do.
For you are too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odour,
Better than diamonds, it`s a new trollin` motor.
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