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Blonde
Blonde jokes
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Q: a blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: a blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "where did you get that?" A: the pig says, "i won her in a raffle!" Q: a blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: but why do brunettes take the pill ? A: wishful thinking. Q: did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: she missed the earth! Q: did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord. Q: did you hear about the blond with a masters degree in psychology? A: she`ll blow your mind, too. Q: did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: they went to see "closed for the winter". Q: did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Q: did you hear about the blonde doctor? A: she shaved her patients, then took off their clothes. Q: did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: she kept having affairs with men! Q: did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck? A: the spare tire in her trunk blew out. Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard. Q: did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation? A: well, now she is making money on the side. Q: did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. Radio? A: it took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night. Q: did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror With her eyes closed? A: she wanted to see what she looked like asleep. Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her Husband`s car? A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe. Q: did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her? A: she believed him. Q: did you hear about the conceited blonde? A: she screams her own name when she comes. Q: did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? A: it`s called maids - if the don`t get one, they die. Q: did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: they take off their makeup. Q: did you hear about the new slogan for miss clairol`s hair dye? A: buy a double batch and get a snatch to match. Q: did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: she missed. Q: do you know why the blonde got fired from the m&m factory? A: for throwing out the w`s. Q: how can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A: her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn`t know what she did with her cigarette. Q: how can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? A: by the chipped tooth. Q: how can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: by the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: how can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: how can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: a bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the Bosses` faces. Q: how can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: she has a checkbook. Q: how can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: by the buckle print on her forehead. Q: how can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? A: there is a stamp on it. Q: how can you tell which blonde is the waitress? A: she is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering What she did with her pencil. Q: how did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: she fell out of the tree. Q: how did the blonde burn her nose? A: bobbing for french fries. Q: how did the blonde die drinking milk? A: the cow fell on her. Q: how did the blonde die ice fishing? A: she was run over by the zambonis machine. Q: how did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: she threw it off a cliff. Q: how do blonde brain cells die? A: alone. Q: how do you brainwash a blonde? A: give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: how do you change a blonde`s mind? A: blow in her ear, or buy her another beer. Q: how do you confuse a blonde? A: you don`t. They`re born that way. Q: how do you confuse a blonde? A: ask her to alphabetize a bag of m&ms. Q: how do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: flattered. Q: how do you describe the perfect blonde? A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on. Q: how do you drown a blond? A: put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: don`t tell her to swallow. A3: leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: how do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: come. Q: how do you get a blonde pregnant? A: come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you? A: tell her she`s pregnant.
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