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Blonde
Blonde jokes
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Q: a blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: a blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "where did you get that?"
A: the pig says, "i won her in a raffle!"
Q: a blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: but why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: wishful thinking.
Q: did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: she missed the earth!
Q: did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: did you hear about the blond with a masters degree in psychology?
A: she`ll blow your mind, too.
Q: did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: they went to see "closed for the winter".
Q: did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: did you hear about the blonde doctor?
A: she shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.
Q: did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: she kept having affairs with men!
Q: did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: the spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard.
Q: did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
A: well, now she is making money on the side.
Q: did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. Radio?
A: it took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror With her eyes closed?
A: she wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her Husband`s car?
A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: she believed him.
Q: did you hear about the conceited blonde?
A: she screams her own name when she comes.
Q: did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: it`s called maids - if the don`t get one, they die.
Q: did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: they take off their makeup.
Q: did you hear about the new slogan for miss clairol`s hair dye?
A: buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.
Q: did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: she missed.
Q: do you know why the blonde got fired from the m&m factory?
A: for throwing out the w`s.
Q: how can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn`t know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: how can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: by the chipped tooth.
Q: how can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: by the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: how can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: how can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: a bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the Bosses` faces.
Q: how can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: she has a checkbook.
Q: how can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: by the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: how can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: there is a stamp on it.
Q: how can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: she is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering What she did with her pencil.
Q: how did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: she fell out of the tree.
Q: how did the blonde burn her nose?
A: bobbing for french fries.
Q: how did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: the cow fell on her.
Q: how did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: she was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: how did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: she threw it off a cliff.
Q: how do blonde brain cells die?
A: alone.
Q: how do you brainwash a blonde?
A: give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: how do you change a blonde`s mind?
A: blow in her ear, or
buy her another beer.
Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: you don`t. They`re born that way.
Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: ask her to alphabetize a bag of m&ms.
Q: how do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: flattered.
Q: how do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: how do you drown a blond?
A: put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: don`t tell her to swallow.
A3: leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: how do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: come.
Q: how do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: tell her she`s pregnant.
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