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101 things not to say during sex-1
Adult jokes
Rating : 5.16, 27 votes.
Reviews : 5 [add review]
1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. (In a janitor`s closet) And they say romance is dead... 6. Try breathing through your nose. 7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone! 8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? 9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? 10. But whipped cream makes me break out. 11. Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today. 12. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! 13. Can you please pass me the remote control? 14. Do you accept Visa? 15. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 16. On second thought, let`s turn off the lights. 17. And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend! 18. So much for mouth-to-mouth. 19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? 20. Hope you`re as good looking when I`m sober... 21. (Holding a banana) It`s just a little trick I learned at the zoo! 22. Do you get any premium movie channels? 23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! 24. (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! 25. Got any penicillin? 26. But I just brushed my teeth... 27. Smile, you`re on Candid Camera! 28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! 29. I want a baby! 30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! 31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? 32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... 33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? 34. I think you have it on backwards. 35. When is this supposed to feel good? 36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! 37. You`re good enough to do this for a living! 38. Is that blood on the headboard? 39. Did I remember to take my pill? 40. Are you sure I don`t know you from somewhere? 41. I wish we got the Playboy channel.. 42. That leak better be from the waterbed! 43. I told you it wouldn`t work without batteries! 44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.. 45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? 46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance. 47. No, really.. I do this part better myself! 48. It`s nice being in bed with a woman I don`t have to inflate! 49. This would be more fun with a few more people. 50. You`re almost as good as my ex! 51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape? 52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? 53. You look younger than you feel. 54. Perhaps you`re just out of practice. 55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! 56. They`re not cracker crumbs, it`s just a rash. 57. Now I know why he/she dumped you.. 58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? 59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. 60. What tampon? 61. Have you ever considered liposuction? 62. And to think, I didn`t even have to buy you dinner! 63. What are you planning to make for breakfast? 64. I have a confession.. 65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! 66. Are those real or am I just behind the times? 67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child? 68. Is that a hanging sculpture? 69. You`ll still vote for me, won`t you? 70. Did I mention my transsexual operation? 71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something! 72. Did you come yet, dear? 73. I`ll tell you who I`m fanatasizing about if you tell me who you`re fantasizing about.. 74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! 75. Does this count as a date? 76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! 77. Hic! I need another beer for this please. 78. I think biting is romantic -- don`t you? 79. You can cook, too right? 80. When would you like to meet my parents? 81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like.. Woman: Yourself? 82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? 83. Sorry about the name tags, I`m not very good with names. 84. Don`t mind me.. I always file my nails in bed. 85. (In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? 86. I hope I didn`t forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? 87. Don`t worry, my dog`s really friendly for a Doberman. 88. Sorry but I don`t do toes! 89. You could at least ACT like you`re enjoying it! 90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! 91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.. 92. I`ll bet you didn`t know I work for "The Enquirer". 93. So that`s why they call you Mr. Flash! 94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! 95. Is this a sin too? 96. I`ve slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! 97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend`s turn? 98. Long kisses clog my sinuses.. 99. Please understand that I`m only doing this for a raise.. 100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"? 101.You mean you`re NOT my blind date?
Rating : 5.16, 27 votes.
Reviews : 5 [add review]
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