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Southern comments
Redneck jokes
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Exclamations: "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." Threats: "I`ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle." "This`ll jar your preserves." "Don`t you be makin` me open a can o` whoop-ass on ya!" Good Things/Compliments: "Cute as a sack full of puppies." "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits." The Weather: "It`s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." "It`s been hotter`n a goat`s butt in a pepper patch." Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." Descriptions: A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can`t thump off." When something is bad then you say, "that ain`t no count." If something is hard to do, it`s "like trying to herd cats." "He ran like His feet was on fire and His ass was catchin." A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor." Insults: "She`s uglier than homemade soap." "Your momma`s so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said `To be continued.`" "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits." "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead" Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She`s dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."
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