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Hickphonics-1
Redneck jokes
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HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital
is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck, and I ain`t heard from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight`nin` bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back
of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a
few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh
puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don`t
change the all in my pickup truck, that
things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don`t stop reading these
Southern words and git back to work,
your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from
Jawjuh don`t git a flat tar in my pickup
truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin` and the creek don`t
rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are
tarred."
FAT - 1. noun. A battle or combat.
2. verb. To engage in battle or combat.
ARE - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin` to fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some
farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He`s did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain`t breathe ... give `im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job
with that bob war fence cump`ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain`t never seed New York City...view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
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