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Steven wright 26
One liners
Rating : 10.00, 1 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
All the plants in my house are dead--I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don`t know." I said, "I don`t want your job."
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We`re surrounded."
Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent. I didn`t know until I got there and set it up. People complained because they couldn`t see the lake. There was a forest nearby, but it wasn`t a regular forest. It was a forest made out of paneling. It was a long, thin forest.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I`d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I`m six I`ll be ninety.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn`t happen.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It`s a fine night to have an evening.
Rating : 10.00, 1 votes.
Reviews : 0 [add review]
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