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Steven wright 13
One liners
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.
When I was eight, I played Little League. I was on first; I stole third; I went straight across. Earlier that week, I learned that the shortest distance between two points was a direct line. I took advantage of that knowledge.
I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn`t find tractors small enough to fit it.
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn`t get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I`m not naked, I`m in the band."
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I`d tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn`t obey.
Babies don`t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... It gets me mad! I`ll go over to a little baby and say, "What are you doing here? You haven`t worked a day in your life!"
My friend has a baby. I`m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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