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Ode to beer
Bar jokes
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`You can`t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.` - Frank Zappa.
`Always do sober what you said you`d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.` - Ernest Hemingway.
`Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.` - Winston Churchill.
`He was a wise man who invented beer.` - Plato.
`Time is never wasted when you`re wasted all the time.` - Catherine Zondonella.
`A woman drove me to drink and I didn`t even have the decency to thank her.` - W. C. Fields.
`Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.` - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
`Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.` - Churchill`s reply.
`Sir, you`re drunk!` - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
`Yes madam, and you`re ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.` - Churchill`s reply.
`If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.` - David Daye.
`When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.` - Henny Youngman.
`Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.` - Benjamin Franklin.
`If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.` - Jack Handy.
`Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.` - Dave Barry.
`The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.` - Humphrey Bogart.
`Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.` - David Moulton.
`People who drink light beer don`t like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.` - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.
`Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.` - Kaiser Wilhelm.
`I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.` - Homer Simpson.
`Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.` - Unknown
`I drink to make other people interesting.` - George Jean Nathan.
`They who drink beer will think beer.` - Washington Irving.
`An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with His fools.` - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.
`You`re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.` - Dean Martin.
`All right, brain, I don`t like you and you don`t like me - so let`s just do this and I`ll get back to killing you with beer.` - Homer Simpson.
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