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Ode to beer
Bar jokes
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`You can`t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.` - Frank Zappa. `Always do sober what you said you`d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.` - Ernest Hemingway. `Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.` - Winston Churchill. `He was a wise man who invented beer.` - Plato. `Time is never wasted when you`re wasted all the time.` - Catherine Zondonella. `A woman drove me to drink and I didn`t even have the decency to thank her.` - W. C. Fields. `Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.` - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. `Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.` - Churchill`s reply. `Sir, you`re drunk!` - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. `Yes madam, and you`re ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.` - Churchill`s reply. `If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.` - David Daye. `When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.` - Henny Youngman. `Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.` - Benjamin Franklin. `If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.` - Jack Handy. `Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.` - Dave Barry. `The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.` - Humphrey Bogart. `Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.` - David Moulton. `People who drink light beer don`t like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.` - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin. `Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.` - Kaiser Wilhelm. `I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.` - Homer Simpson. `Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.` - Unknown `I drink to make other people interesting.` - George Jean Nathan. `They who drink beer will think beer.` - Washington Irving. `An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with His fools.` - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls. `You`re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.` - Dean Martin. `All right, brain, I don`t like you and you don`t like me - so let`s just do this and I`ll get back to killing you with beer.` - Homer Simpson.
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