Redneck valentine-1

Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze. Softer
than Blue`s And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain`t
got no scales But I luv you anyway.

You`re as graceful as okry Jist a-dancin` in the pan. Yo`re
as fragrant as SunDrop Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud; I hold my
head high When we`re in a crowd.

On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits, Well, I`m
in hawg heaven, I`m plumb outta my wits.

And speakin` of wits, You`ve got plenty fer shore. `Cuz you
married me Back in `74.

Still them fellers at work They all want to know, What I did
to deserve Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape Yo`re there fer yore man, To
patch up life`s troubles And stick `em in the can.

Yo`re as strong as a four-wheeler Racin` through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger Named Naomi Judd.

Yo`re as cute as a junebug A-buzzin` overhead. You ain`t
mean like no far ant Upon which I oft` tread.

Cut from the best pattern Like a flannel shirt of plaid, You
sparked up my life Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight Like a padded gunrack, My life
is complete; Ain`t nuttin` I lack.

Yore complexion, it`s perfection, Like the best vinyl
sidin`. Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin`.

And when you get old Like a `57 Chevy, Won`t put you on
blocks And let grass grow up heavy.

Me `n` you`s like a Moon Pie With a RC cold drank, We go
together Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate For Valentine`s Day; They git
it at Wal-Mart, It`s romantic that way.

Some men git roses On that special day From the cooler at
Kroger. "That`s impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, These will not do. For you are too
special, You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor, Better than
diamonds it`s a new ridin` mower.

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