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Redneck quickies 29
Redneck jokes
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You might be a redneck if...
You`ve been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.
The number of times you`ve seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
You`ve ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
You`ve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.
You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.
On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.
You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.
You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won`t ask for them again.
You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.
You think Hamlet is on the McDonald`s breakfast menu.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.
Your dad says, "Let`s hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel.
You ever called your sister "Mom" and didn`t have to correct yourself.
The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
You`re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
You`ve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
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