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As seen on bumpers
One liners
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* "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
* "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
* "All generalizations are false."
* "As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."
* "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
* "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
* "Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep."
* "Montana -- At least our cows are sane!"
* "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
* "Your kid may be an honor student but you`re still an IDIOT!"
* "Friends don`t let friends drive naked."
* "I don`t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
* "It`s lonely at the top, but you eat better."
* "According to my calculations the problem doesn`t exist."
* "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
* "Forget about world peace.. . Visualize using your turn signal!"
* "Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
* "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
* "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
* "He who laughs last thinks slowest."
* "Always remember you`re unique, just like everyone else."
* "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
* "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
* "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
* "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy."
* "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
* "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
* "Be nice to your kids. They`ll choose your nursing home."
* "Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can`t."
* "Why is `abbreviation` such a long word?"
* "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
* "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
* "Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas - Taking the dog. --Dorothy."
* "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
* "I`m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?"
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