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If operating systems were airlines
Computer jokes
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If Operating Systems were Airlines
DOS AIR
All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the
plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off
when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane
again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS `95 AIRLINES
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all
very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is
immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to
wonder why it has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without
a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it
crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all
look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked
questions about the flight they reply that you don`t want to
know, don`t need to know, and would you please return to your
seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS
The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective
passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around,
apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing
from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the
terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the
real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it
will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to
wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight
systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT
All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac,
placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit
down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if
they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and
safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails
to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants,
of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost
$15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you
have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger,
watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on
this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10
engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers
scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200
technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass
cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane
is too big to get through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of
tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing
constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and
how to put it together. Eventually, they build several
different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some
passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers
believe they got there.
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