Customer support logs
Computer jokes
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Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:
Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I`m having trouble with WordPerfect."
Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",
Support: "Went away?"
Customer:"They disappeared."
Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It`s blank; it won`t accept anything when I type."
Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What`s a sea-prompt?"
Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn`t any cursor: I told you, it won`t accept anything I type."
Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What`s a monitor?"
Support: "It`s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it`s on?"
Customer: "I don`t know."
Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: ..."Yes, I think so."
Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it`s plugged into the wall."
Customer: ..."Yes, it is."
Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: ..."Okay, here it is."
Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it`s plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can`t reach."
Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer:"Oh, it`s not because I don`t have the right angle-it`s because it`s dark."
Support: "Dark?
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer:"I can`t."
Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there`s a power outage."
Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we`ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Support: "Yes, I`m afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Support: "Tell them you`re too stupid to own a computer."
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