One-liners: 326-350
Blonde jokes
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326. Q: What`s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don`t have to worry about blowing their brains out.
328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up Her husband`s car?
A: She burned Her lips on the tailpipe.
329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn`t
know how to cook them.
330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about Her job. In the first room she
said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the
window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!". In the second room she told the
painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady was somewhat curious
but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN
SIDE UP!". The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling `green side up`?". "I`m
sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
331. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on Her body than on Her mind?
2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn`t have a crazy cat?
10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn`t get taller girls?
11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
12 brought Her cosmetics with Her for a make-up exam?
332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first
children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I`m going to have a girl, `cuz I
conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine`s going to be a boy,
`cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I`m going to have a
puppy!"
333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The
doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?"..
334. Blondes...
They take a lickin`, and keep on...
Lickin!
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her
ears?
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time.
A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather
perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who
ripped off my car phone!"
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and
tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?". The new employee
is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss`s positive comments he finally agrees. A
blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).
She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"
"They`re $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the
clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
340. Another blonde in the porno shop:
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I`ll take the black one. I`ve never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm... I think I`ll take the white one. I`ve never had a white one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your
dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm.how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that`s a very special dildo... It`ll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I`ll take the plaid one, I`ve never had a plaid
one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy`s boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black
dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just
picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent
energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, herealizes his
manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then
the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E. I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G. I. Series -- soldiers` ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor`s cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed `em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you`re out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
343. Q: Why don`t blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can`t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in Her ear.
345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of Her dress?
A: To keep Her ankles warm.
A2: To keep Her neck warm
346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind Her ear and she doesn`t know what she did with Her cigarette.
347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I`ll tell you tomorrow.)
350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
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