14 pints of guinness
Bar jokes
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A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
`I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,` he replies.
`You dirty bastard!` shouts the barmaid, `Get out before I get my husband.`
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts His apology and asks what he wants again.
`I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,` he replies.
`What??` screams the barmaid, `That`s it! You`re barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.`
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
`Right. I`ll give you one last chance,` says the barmaid. `Now, what do you want?`
`I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.`
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
`What`s up, love?` says the husband.
`There`s this disgusting bloke downstairs. When I asked him what he wanted, he said that he wanted to put His head between my tits and lick the sweat off,` she says in a flood of tears.
`What? He`s a dead man,` shouts the husband getting out of His chair.
`Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers, spread cottage cheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off,` screams the wife.
`Right, he`s going to need a body bag, the bastard,` shouts the husband rolling up His sleeves and picking up a baseball bat.
`Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and drink it out of me,` she concludes.
When he hears this, the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back down in His chair.
`Aren`t you going to do something?` shouts the wife in hysterics.
`Listen love, I`m not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints of Guinness...`
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