The cat's chalkboard assignments
Animal jokes
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In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard.A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human`s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom`s toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat`s vomited food.
2. I will not jump on the [xxx].
kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human`s full bladder at 5:30 A.M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night.
3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx].
sofa, carpet, drapes, my human`s leg, my human`s boss`s leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires.
4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx].
floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human`s tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby`s mattress, kitchen counter, dining room table, big people`s shoes, bathtub, my Dad`s collection of (expensive) Nazi daggers, marble floor (acid vomit+marble=etched marble).
5. I will not climb the [xxx].
Screen, bulletin board, speaker, curtains, redwood trees, walls, lampposts.
6. I will not dunk [xxx] into my water dish.
Tissues, my toy mouse, the house plants, half-digested food
7. I will not hide [xxx].
Pens, curlers, or house keys under the carpet.
8. I recognize that the [xxx] has a right to exist.
Belt, fringe on the bathroom rug, fuzzy toilet seat, house plant, human`s toes, baby, human, blue jays outside, teddy bear
9. [xxx] is not cat food.
Chocolate, bananas, pizza, any human food, tea
10. [xxx] is not a bed.
The stove, the pot (not hot) on the stove, sink, the crystal bowl from thepeople`s wedding, piano strings, Mommy`s sock drawer, the inside of theantique radio, the car, the electric organ, the computer keyboard.
11. [xxx] is not prey/a toy.
The paper coming from the printer; the newspaper; Mummy; open milk cartons;toilet paper; pantyhose; paper clips; human`s toes; my human`s penis (see"Robin Williams, Live at the Met"); Christmas tree ornaments; the produceripening on the kitchen counter; Q-tips; Black Widow spiders; anyfood, whether wrapped in something or not; the sheets; the computer mouse;Mommy`s snow white lace garter from Her wedding with the beautiful tastymaribou feathers on it;
12. I will not try to climb into the [xxx].
Freezer, refrigerator, washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, garage.
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